Nay, we are but men. Rock!

You all know that I love bacon. It is the king of breakfast meats–it laughs in the face of Queen Italian Sausage (and her wicked stepsister Maple), while Jester Jimmy Dean whimpers in the corner, and Servant Ham shovels the latrine.

If I could, I would carry some in my pocket everywhere I go. Who am I kidding? I would take a bacon shower (only if it’s cooked first).

That said, here is a great way to start the perfect day! And by perfect day, I mean any that starts with bacon!

And I will never have to worry about burning my foot on the George Foreman again.

(Honey! Can you come rub Vaseline on my foot?!?)

You know a superhero.

I am tired of how fast they drive/run/fly, the star treatment they get, and the lucrative endorsement deals–they are vigilantes, and not above the law! They need to be stopped! To further this cause, I have painstakingly uncovered the lay identities of the following superheroes, so we can ALL know who they are!

Here, for the world to see, are the identities uses to fight crime, protect the innocent, and lay around the house on Saturdays.

First to be revealed: MATT!

Happy Happy?

Secondly–JASON!

No, really, he's the..uh..other....Hulk

Thirdly, we have LUKE!

Next time bleach your pits too..

Next, ladies and gentlemen, we have BEN!

Hgrrgfmgnf!!!

Actually, this is BEN!

Heeeyyyyy---Duffman!

And finally, AARON!

Well, he’s probably someone’s hero

Oh. man. I need one right now! (who doesn’t?)

Neighbor kids, LDS, Seventh-day Adventists, and girl scouts (I don’t really need those Thin Mints and Samoas anyway) beware!

I guess you all should call now before you come over

As advanced as BigDog is, it’s amazing to see where they got the technology…