Running with Sharp Nipples
Until last weekend, I had never participated in an organized running event of any length. I wasn’t exactly seeking opportunity either. I have actually avoided several. However, at about 9:00 pm, the night before a race someone called my bluff and I ended up promising to run a charity 5k in Santa Ana, El Salvador.
I awoke race day morning to the roar of pouring rain. This was our 8th day in Central America and our first sight of precipitation before sunset. Each morning until now, only little puff balls dotted the sky. This wasn’t the ‘dry’ rain of the Pacific Northwest. This kind of rain is what some might call a torrential downpour, but a promise is a promise, so I strapped on the mint-condition, two year old New Balance runners and made my way to the bus with five other volunteers from my Habitat for Humanity crew.
We should have told the driver to take us home when watched the wipers flap wildly in vein across their windshield real-estate. We should have stopped the bus driver from driving off when we reached the registration table as soaked as if we climbed out of a river. Instead, we stuck it out and waited for the race to start for an hour (uncovered). We were the only five Gringos of nearly 400 runners, so naturally, the local news station couldn’t resist asking for interviews. Of course, we agreed.
I took it slowly to “keep pace with the group”, and finished the completely downhill 2.8 mile (not exactly 5k) in 22 minutes. Nothing on my entire body was dry including my super-chaffed nipples. That’s right; my nipples had been rubbed raw by my wet t-shirt. That last sentence reads funny, but it’s totally true. I had no idea this would happen, but looking back it makes sense.
- Wet clothing feels cold even in tropical storms.
- My nipples turn into ¼ karat diamonds below 70 degrees.
- Running makes even the smallest man-boobs bounce.
This combination chaffed my completely useless nipples enough to make me appreciate my wife’s breast-feeding agony.
Tuesday night, I actually asked her if she had any bag balm.
